A little more vulnerable today…

 

Hubby and I had a fight recently. It was a fairly big one…so big that the “going our separate ways” was briefly mentioned. Looking back now, I realized how stupid the fight was – and I must admit, I was the one that triggered it haha.  OOPS. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted the Hubby to find a better job because I felt that his job wasn’t giving him any joy, growth, and the salary that he rightfully deserves. But here’s the problem, *I* was the one that felt all that, not him. He was upset with me because he felt that I was being ungrateful and obviously what I’ve said hurt his feelings. If you’ve ever read AITA threads on reddit, you know where this is headed. I was definitely the asshole. For the larger part of our relationship, he was the breadwinner and he had always taken care of me. I never once had to worry about bills or our financial well-being. When he encouraged me to pursue the floral business and I was stressed about rent and bills, he stepped in and took care of it. When he asked to join me on my Verizon phone plan, he started paying for our phone bills since. When he asked me to marry him and I was overworked and I was being bullied by my ex-boss, he told me to quit that shitty job. He said he’d rather have a happy wife that’s unemployed than have a depressed wife that’s constantly crying from work stress. He made sure that I was very well taken care of – no matter the situation we were in, I came first. I knew this all along and I recognize this, I count my blessings everyday that I’ve been blessed with such a wonderful person in my life. Even when I had a steady job with a stable income, I didn’t have to make any contributions towards our bills – he wanted to make sure I was in a good position for myself. And while I was in school, he stepped in and took over the chores and even made sure dinner was warmed up for me as I’m driving home from school.

I was selfish for “forcing” him to leave his job. I consulted with 2 of my besties and I was able to see it from their POV. First bestie reasoned with me that it’s hard to find a job where it provides comfort and complacency. He also compared my hubby’s situation to mine – yes, though I have the potential to eventually earn more money than hubby in a shorter timeframe – I have to deal with certain personalities at work that causes havoc to my mental health. That was the tradeoff. Right, he made an excellent point. Hubby’s happiness means more to me than the unhappiness I feel towards his employer at the end of the day. My other bestie reasoned that as a couple, we aren’t struggling financially, there’s no need for me to “push” hubby to the next income threshold. We live within our means and we’re happy, there’s no need to fight about “money”. I told her it wasn’t the money that was the issue, I felt that hubby is “wasting his life away” because he’s at a dead-end job, with no real potential for anymore growth, etc. In the last 5 years or so, I’ve been working hard to play catch up because I felt that I’ve fallen behind on my own personal financial growth due to the limitations of the business. I was limited in funds to help it grow, I was limited on help, I was limited on experience, I was limited on time, and so much more. I basically put my health through hell just to finish my bachelor’s program, while juggling a 40–50-hour work week and on some days, stress from squeezing in floral orders – all because I was trying to play catch up. And I started to see that I was forcing my personal goal and “agenda” on the hubby.

Our “fight” lasted no more than 30 minutes. I happened to be sick and lost my voice so part of the fight was via text lol. He said he doesn’t want to hold me back from my aspirations and that if I needed to go, then I should go. All I asked for was more time for me to find a place to move to. Because moving back home wasn’t part of my plan. A few minutes later, he came and apologized. We both held each other, and of course, I was crying like the big baby that I am. He told me he wanted to spend more time with me and didn’t want me to go but he didn’t want to hold me back, in response, I told him that he was the one I wanted to grow old with – but it seems we don’t want the same things anymore and that we’re on different pages. He assured me that this wasn’t the case and that he just needed more time to make the right decision. After seeing it from another perspective, I realized that his happiness is more important than finding a “better job”. Because I don’t want him to go through the level of work stress I go through daily. I was so selfish, thinking that what I want for him is “better” than what he doesn’t want. He’s never forced me to change, and I shouldn’t force him either. At the end of the day, I was the biggest asshole of a wife to a person that least deserved it, and for him to be the bigger person to apologize first. I’m such a jerk. I’m glad we made up and moved past this fight – because I’m sure I won’t find anyone better and I’m certain that I won’t get married for a 2^nd time.